Goobye 2008, Hello 2009

Well I can't believe how fast 2008 flew by! Life has certainly been busy with two little ones running around. Isabella is now 16 months old and running around so much, she is a little trasher! She just loves trashing the house and every room in it! So no matter how much I clean within 5 minutes she will have trashed it again lol





Jack will of course turn 4 in March this year! He is such a gorgeous little boy, he has a lot of energy as well. He loves Thomas the Tank Engine, Happy Feet and other things as well. Isabella loves Elmo and can already say Elmo, it's very cute!





We got the kids a trampoline for Christmas which Jack loves. Bella can't really jump on it yet but she still loves getting on it.





We had Christmas lunch on Christmas Day at our house this year. It was really good day. We had Craig's parents, my dad and his partner, Sally and her family, Jake, Cindy and her family, Marcia and Mia there, so it was a full house! We had the kids pools up and the kids just had a ball.

New Years Eve we took the kids to Macca's and then down to Portside where Jack went on the jumping castle, a huge slide and played the clowns. We had ice cream and watched the fireworks and then went home. It was good night. Marcia, Mia and Baby Sophia also came along.

This will be the last year before Jack starts school! I can't believe it really! So I will cherish this year a lot because once they go to school it's all downhill from there lol

So goodbye 2008, hello 2009! I hope 2009 is a year filled with hope, love, happiness, good health and blessings for you all!

Happy 8th Birthday in heaven William!

Dear William

Happy 8th Birthday in heaven our precious little boy. We hope you have had a wonderful birthday and party in heaven today with all of the other babies and kids in heaven and of course with Jesus.

We love you and miss you everyday. You are always in our hearts and minds.

Love always

Daddy, Mummy, Jack and Isabella xox

Wow I can't believe how fast that year went!

Bella after eating birthday cake

This is Isabella at her 1st Birthday Party!

That's right Isabella has turned 1 already! Her birthday was on the 20th of August. I cannot believe how fast that year has gone! For her birthday we got her a doll house and some books. We had her birthday party on the 24th of August and it was a really lovely party with friends and family. She got lots of new summer clothes and books. It was a nice afternoon and all of the kids seems to enjoy themselves and Bella had lots of fun!

Life has been really busy since I last wrote in here! I competed in Eisteddfod and won 1st place in the Modern Ballad Section. I sang "Beautiful Disaster" By Kelly Clarkson. I am pretty excited that my name will be on a trophy hanging in the Brolga Theatre! I have always wanted to win something where my name gets put on an annual trophy and now I finally have lol

Last weekend was our hockey grand final. Unfortunately we lost 3-0. It sounds like a lot but we did play our hardest and stopped so many goals. We just couldn't get any goals ourselves. It was disappointing but there is always next year.

Isabella started walking a few weeks before her birthday and now walks around a lot but she still crawls when she wants to. She is starting to try to run now but it still a bit unsteady when she tries to go fast!

Jack is being his usual cheeky self. He seems so tall and such a little boy now. He seems to like playing with Bella but can be a bit rough. Bella is a bit rough now herself, I think she is actually a lot tougher than Jack and I can see it will be Jack coming crying to me in the future saying his sister has hurt him! lol

Anyway that's all I can think of for now. There is probably more but I can't think of it right now lol

An Update

Well I haven't written in here for a few months, so thought I would write a blog entry.

Isabella is 10 Months old! She will be 11 months in a couple of weeks, I can't believe next month she will be 1! I am planning to have a first birthday party at our house and I am excited to be throwing a party for her but I am sad that she is growing up so quickly..but that's life.

Bella can crawl around so fast and is now starting to stand up by herself for little periods of time. She walks around holding on to the furniture, so I guess she will be walking in the next couple of months.

Jack seems to be use to having his sister around now and likes giving her hugs and kisses. He doesn't like Bella touching his toys though and gets quite rough with her at times because of this.

Jack loves playing outside and loves hitting balls around with his toy golf clubs and pretending to be Tiger Woods, Stuart Appleby and even his dad. We bought him a soccer ball and he loves kicking that around as well.

Isabella also loves playing outside and loves trying to eat leaves and grass. She likes going on the swing with her brother and loves climbing up the stairs of play gym. She also likes playing with Jack's trucks and cars, much to Jack's dismay.

Jack now goes to daycare two days a week and he loves going there and playing with all the toys and out in the play yard with all of sandpits and forts. He really likes his carers as well and talks about them and is now starting to talk about other kids at the daycare as well. I miss him when he is there but it seems to be really good for him and it gives Isabella and I time together.

Well as most people know I went in the Karaoke Final last month and I got to the final round but I didn't win. I was really happy with how I sang and performed though. I sang " Two Hearts" By Carrie Underwood and " I believe in you and me" by Whitney Houston. It was nice to have a night out with family and friends as well.

I am still playing hockey and my team has been winning so that has been good. Hopefully we can keep it up and get to the grand final this year.

Anyway that's all I can really think of at this point in time as I am pretty tired so my brain has had it for today lol

I was thinking about William today....

I was thinking about William today. Well actually I think of him everyday. Today I was just thinking about him and how even though I have two more children now and I am happy and getting on with my life there is a part of me that will never be ok.

I mean I am living my life, I am getting on with my life, my grief does not consume me anymore, I can think happy thoughts when it comes to William. I can talk about him, I love doing things in his memory...but still sometimes when I have a moment to myself (which isn't that often with a 3 year old and nearly 8 month old) and think about him I still feel an ache in my heart, but I feel like that is the way it is suppose to be.

The hardest thing for me now is when I hear about others losing their babies and kids, my heart hurts when I read the death notices in the paper for people I don't even know. When I hear or read the stories about others losses because I remember what is was like to be back there at the start and I know how hard and devastating it is and I wish with everything in me in that no parent had go through having a baby or child die. I wish I could have been the last person ever to have a baby die, that it could have somehow stopped with me but unfortunately life is not like that. Life can be so unfair.

Even though I have been through the loss of William, I can't make it better for anyone else who goes through the loss also. I can support them but I can't take away their pain and I wish I could. So I do all I can to let them know they are not alone and there are others who understand. Especially when so many people are still so ignorant to the devastating loss of a baby and say thoughtless comments because they do not know any better.

Is talking about the death of a baby the last taboo? Probably not but it seems like one of them. Society seems to be able to talk about a lot of things these days but the mention of the loss of a baby brings uncomfortable silences, awkward looks and changes in the subject. Even now for me when William would be 8 years old people still don't like to hear me say my first baby son died.

I know it's horrible to hear but how much fun do you think it is to say? Of course I could just not mention him....and when that happens that's when I feel upset again, I feel guilty and depressed. How do you think it makes a mother feel when she is denying one of her children? 8 years down the track it still feels as horrible as ever.

So I have to mention him whenever I can even if people still can't handle hearing about him. Because those same people will then put what I said to the back of their mind and probably forgot or chose not to think about it, but if I don't mention him I feel tortured for hours, sometime days.

There has to come a time in the future where parents can talk about the babies they have lost and people will be able to listen, even if they don't know what to say. That they acknowledge our grief and loss and accept that we need to talk about our babies.

Don't say at least they can have other babies. Don't say well it would have been worse if... the baby died of SIDS instead of being stillborn etc. Don't say it isn't as bad as some other person's loss. Grief's should not be compared. All loss hurts.

I remember one day visiting William's grave years ago and having some old biddy tell me that at least I didn't have him for a couple of years and then lose him because that would be much worse and you can always have another baby love. At his grave!

When will people get it through their thick heads that you cannot replace someone! It's as bad as saying to a widow, it's alright just go and get another husband, which you would never say, so never say at least you can have another baby.

Anyway this has turned into a bit of me up on my soapbox so I am hoping down now!

Where did those 3 years go?

* The first photo is from our local paper and it was in the day before Jack's 3rd Birthday. The second photo Isabella is 6 months old in.

Jack turned 3 on Saturday (March the 8th) and it is hard to believe 3 years have gone past since he was born, they really have gone so quick. Although I do have to say I wonder when the terrible two's do end? Because it seems to be continuing.

We had a little get together at the park for Jack on his birthday. He got lots of lovely presents, mainly clothes that he needs and some books and toys. He also got a Dora dvd and a cd. Yep he loves Dora and The Wiggles and a lot of other things. He also loves ads and loves singing along to ads lol.

Jack likes the weather on the news. Whenever the weather comes on he talks along with the weather person as if he is telling us the weather.

Jack likes cars, trucks and trains. He seems to love pretending to be a train and make a loud noise as the whistle on a train. Jack loves going out in the cars and just seems to like cars in general and pretending to drive them.

Jack seems to ignore his sister a lot of the time but is starting to try and play with her and do peek a boo. Yesterday Bella did a sick on the floor and Jack got a tissue and was trying to clean it up! I was quite impressed by that lol.

Jack is very cheeky and can be quite naughty but when we go mad at him, his most often response to that is "Hug", "Kiss" and he will hug and kiss us lol.

Isabella is 6 months old now! She is trying to crawl but hasn't quite mastered that yet. She can sit up by herself but not for very long. She loves jumping in the jolly jumper and being in the walker. She loves cuddles and kisses and is quite a mummy's girl lol.

Isabella started on solids this month and has a little bit morning and night so far but she doesn't really eat much yet. She has a few sucks on our food as well and seems to really like beetroot!

Well that's about all I can think to write about the kids at the moment. We are going to Brisbane this weekend as I am going to see The Phantom of the Opera with my mother in law. That should be good but I am feeling nervous about leaving Isabella as it will be the longest I have left her and so I am hoping that she will be ok with her daddy and grampa. I have expressed breast milk for her but she has only had it out of a bottle once so that's the part I am most nervous about but I need her to get use to having expressed milk as I am starting to play hockey again at the end of this month so she will probably have to have it sometimes when I am playing hockey to.

Anyway that's all for now.

Christmas and more...

Above are photos from Christmas Day. Jack was happy even though he doesn't look happy in the photos lol, he just doesn't like photos very much.

Christmas Day was a mad day as it always seems to be. Craig and I even talked about going away next Christmas Day to spend it just together the four of us to get away from the craziness of the day but doubt if we really will do that...you never know.

This was our day: I was up before everyone else after feeding Bella and her going back to sleep so I did some housework. Then once we got ready we went to church. After Church we went to the cemetery and put a Christmas Tree and a card on William's grave and put a Christmas Basket my grandma made on my Uncle Neville's grave (My Grandma also bought the Christmas Tree for William's grave and she decorated it, that's the first photo up the top).

We then came home and opened presents. Then we went to Craig's parents for lunch. After that we came home to get packed and headed down to Hervey Bay to Marcia's for Christmas with my family. We ended up home sometime after 8pm (Jack never had a daytime sleep so he was very tired). Needless to say we were all exhausted. I am really hoping one Christmas Day we can just be in the one place (preferably our house) for the whole day instead of feeling like all we do is run around all day but oh well you get that!

Two days before Christmas we travelled to Brisbane for the day to spend time with my Dad and his side of the family at my Aunty Ro's house. The day went so fast, as it can be pretty hard trying to catch up with family when you have a 2 year old and 4 month old who decide they only want to be near mum most of the day! Jack also got bitten by one of Aunty's Ro's dogs and so that was upsetting for him and for me, he was OK though and the bite wasn't really bad, thank God for that.

Jack and Isabella got some lovely presents from Dad and his partner Beverley and my Aunty and Uncles. I normally only get to see my Eedy side of the family this one day of the year so I do really look forward to going and getting to see them all, even though it can be a bit crazy with my kids.







Aunty Ro is just such a great Aunty and so welcoming and helpful when we are there in her house, she the person I always want to see the most (other than my Dad of course lol) and I wish I could see her and her family more often but I am grateful I do get to catch up even if it is only once a year. I do feel sad that I am not close to that side of the family but I know that they are care about us and I care about them also, I hope they know that.







Onto Isabella.... she turned 4 months old this month! She got weighed and measured again this month. She is now 7.51 kilos so is still growing well and is 65.5cm long. She is rolling over now and commando crawling around. She loves being in her Jolly Jumper and I can tell she just wants to be able to move a lot more than she can and she gets frustrated because of this. She is such an adorable little baby girl (I know I am biased but I don't care lol).







Jack seems really tall at the moment like he has shot up in height over the last month, other people have commented on it as well, not sure if he has or not? He is talking well, even if I am the only one who can understand some of what he says. He is a very cheeky and active boy. He can be quite a handful at times but then such a sweet little boy as well. I love when he goes up to Isabella and says "Hey Gorgeous".







This week Jack and Isabella have had their cousins Destiny and Rharni staying with Nanny Marcia and so we have tried to see them every day. Jack just loves Destiny and is constantly saying her name and following her around and he actually plays with her. She is the first child I have seen him actually play with. It is good having them here as we don't get to see them a lot because they live in Gayndah and as much as I would love to visit, it just seems too daunting of a task with my two to do that yet.







Anyway that's about all for now. I hope you and your family had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you all a happy and healthy 2008!

* Ps I am having trouble with my blog at the moment so sorry if the writing is all over the place and different sizes.